Does such a thing exist or is it just a figment of imagination of stupid romantics? Even more pertinent is whether such a thing exists in today's materialistic world? Before attempting an answer let us step back and look deeper into this concept - "unconditional love".
Love, probably we all know, so what does the additional qualifier - "unconditional" imply? Literally it means that love is not contingent on anything, it need not be reciprocated in an equal measure to breathe, flourish and survive. It has an independent existence.
On the other hand is a love based on expectations. As long as expectations are met and the loved one conforms to an expected behaviour, everything is smooth. Any deviations and the world is rocked.
Of course, not all expectations are unwarranted. Some of the behavioural attributes can be an integral part of who the person is. Like in marketing, there are some core values of a product which a customer would never compromise on (what is a laptop without a battery?!). Similarly in love, clearly there are certain core attributes which define a person. Any expectations derived from there is understandable. Like everybody loved Gandhiji, nobody expected him to resort to violence, such an expectations was warranted. But expecting him to oppose Jinnah publicly, probably not.
We can probably now see the issues which expectations can rake up. You do not accept a person for what s/he is, but for what you expect him/her to be. Even if we start with a perfect fit between these two, if there is no room for change (which is invariably going to take place), we run into problems.
Interestingly, even core values can change over time, after all nothing is permanent except change! So, in such a case, should our unconditional love try and understand this change or should it just disown the person? I do not know and I don't think there is a Yes/No answer to this.
I must pause here and put a disclaimer. I do not claim to know all about love and unconditional love. I am just trying to put forth my views hoping to get some more clarity. Hoping to know if this concept is existent? Dream? Practical? Stupid? Logical? Insane?
Anyway, let us assume for a minute (or a few minutes!) that such a thing ideed exists. Clearly, it is going to be extremely rare in today's world. Let me try and prove it to you how utterly stupid and hopeless it is to love someone unconditionally. Let me play the Devil's advocate!
Let us say that 1 in about 100 "love feeling" a person has is unconditional. Probability that Mr. A is experiencing unconditional love is then 0.01. So probability that both Mr. A and Miss B are experiencing the same becomes 0.0001 or 1 in 10000. But wait, is it mutual also? What if Mr. A loves Miss B but Miss B loves Mr. C and all that (which is so common!)? So the utopian situation of of Mr. A and Miss B loving each other unconditionally is very very highly improbable. You are foolish and impractical if you let yourself fall in that hope trap!
But, can you chain your heart with the strength of your mind? What if you are indeed stupid?! What if you fall in love and cannot help it? What do you do then? I am not sure. But I believe in what they say - "Its better to have loved and lost it all, than to have never loved at all!" Maybe I am stupid as well to believe in it!
Somebody told me, it is so bad when unconditional love is not valued. It hurts. It hurts all the more when it is not even acknowledged (and that does happen often!). I hope it were the case that such a feeling, if not reciprocated, was at least acknowledged and if possible, valued. The person should realize that he is 1 in 10000 lucky! If valued, then does it not hurt? Of course it does, but it hurts less.
But, but, but, the few minutes I had requested are over and we come back to square one, to the basic question. I can acknowledge and value and all that, but before that I need to know if such a thing exists or is it just a figment of imagination of the romantics! Do I wan to end up valuing something which is non-existent?! I leave it open in front of you all – Do you believe in "unconditional love"?
- ANAND GAUTAM
