It takes two to tango

From Wikipedia: “It takes two to tango is a common idiomatic expression which suggests something in which more than one person or other entity are paired in an inextricably-related and active manner, occasionally with negative connotations. The phrase recognizes that there are certain activities which cannot be achieved singly -- like arguing, fighting, making love, dancing the tango.”

Have you ever hated anybody who has never done anything wrong to you? There might be some things which he has done to others or maybe you are generally irritated by that person. But you hate him/her. How much have you hated him/her?

(Ignore any celebrities, like our beloved Mr. Kasab, here. )

And have you ever hated somebody who has done several several wrong things to you? Somebody who has constantly irritated you, been mean to you, hurt you, said hurtful things to you. How much have you hated him/her? More than the guy above? Much more? Much much more? I guess yes.

But this post is not about hatred, it is about love!

Have you ever loved anybody who hasn’t loved you back? Chances are that you have. You adore the person. You have immense respect for the person. You want desperately to be with the person. You simply love the person. Have you ever been in such a situation? If yes, may I ask how much have you loved him/her?

And have you ever loved anybody who has loved you back? Hopefully, you have. You have adored and respected the person, so has he/she. You want to be with him/her as much as him/her. You love the person, you are loved back. If you have been in such a situation, may I again ask how much have you loved him/her?

My point is very simple. Ideally, any one-sided love, in intensity, should be way way inferior to a two-sided love. Just as a one-sided animosity is not even close to an “enemy”. When you love someone and are loved back, there is virtuous cycle which builds. And there is no limit to which this virtuous cycle can take you. It is beautiful, it is divine.

Not to say that one can’t love someone dearly despite not being loved back. You can, and you can do it for eternity. But the intensity should be ideally much lesser than two-sided love. If somebody claims to have an equivalent intensity for someone who does not love him/her back, then there are only two possibilities. Either the person is unaware of what ‘intensity’ can be, or is downright stupid and an emotional fool. There is a need to re-calibrate his/her emotions.

Continuing from wiki: The tango is a dance which requires two partners moving in relation to each other, sometimes in tandem, sometimes in opposition.[2] The meaning of this expression has been extended to include any situation in which the two partners are by definition understood to be essential -- as in, a marriage with only one partner ceases to be a marriage.”

This is how love grows – “two partners moving in relation to each other, sometimes in tandem, sometimes in opposition”. And love keeps growing through a virtuous cycle as long as we don’t get useless negativity in our system and break that cycle.

I have been in love a few times in the past – one-sided as well as relationships. I would always admire, respect and even love all of them, but, “to an extent”. Today I want to declare that I am over each and every one of them. Next time, I want to be able to build and maintain a virtuous cycle. Next time I am in love, I want “no limits”.

- ANAND GAUTAM

9^th May 2010